Wendy Alsup is the author of Practical Theology for Women. A book that Jess has read and benefited from. In this post she offers a Gospel-centered alternative to traditional timeouts. She writes:

In my ongoing attempts to apply the gospel to the discipline of my children, I’ve found that a simple tweak to the Super Nanny style timeout better fits my doctrine than traditional timeouts. Please don’t feel constrained by my practical application, though if it’s helpful to you, that is great. The simple change I’ve made is that I no longer put my sons in timeout for a specific amount of time. In times past, if they didn’t obey me on a specific issue, my temptation was to punish them with a 5 or 10 minute (or longer) timeout, depending on their age and the severity of what they did. But that reminds me of a punitive jail sentence. “You took your brothers, toy? Verdict: guilty. Your sentence is to sit in that chair for 10 minutes.” But the gospel teaches that Christ took their guilty verdicts on the cross and bore the punishment for every last one of them. I struggle then with punishing them a second time. It makes Christ’s punishment seem irrelevant, and I sure don’t want to teach them that. Yet, as I said before, I have to disciple them through it!

Below she gives a practical example of how this plays out. This of course is not a fix-all and may not work for every parent. For example, those who have children with extreme anger issues may have a harder time with this approach. She goes on:

In light of that, time-outs have become a tool for getting my boys’ attention so we can DEAL with the problem. Many times (not always), the way this looks is that I put one or the other in time-out until they have calmed down and are ready to deal with the problem. I’ll sometimes say, “when your attitude has changed and you’re ready to talk to me respectfully (or repair with your brother, or clean up your mess, or whatever the issue is), you can come find me.” Sometimes, right then, they’ll say, “I’m ready,” though it’s obvious they aren’t. In that case, I repeat my instructions with some additions (when you are no longer angry, or when you have finished crying, or when your tone of voice has changed). Then when they come find me and I can tell they really do seem ready to address/fix the problem, then we start talking about it. I ask them, “What did you do?” Because if they don’t understand or admit what they did wrong, we won’t have an effective discussion about fixing the root issue (what a big problem this is among grownups too!). Once they admit the real problem, we can start addressing the solution. What does God say to do? Usually, we start with the greatest command and golden rule. True to how Jesus addresses the greatest command, most every other issue they have in life stems from its root. Next, how does the gospel equip us to deal with this problem? Well, it enables us to receive forgiveness from God, and God’s forgiveness equips us to then forgive the next person (Eph. 4:32). From there, what can do we do to repair the problem? That question often takes some thought, yet it is a crucial point of reconciliation. I enjoy watching my boys try to answer that question and love those moments when they sincerely face the problem and genuinely start caring about fixing it. Repairing and reconciliation are beautiful things to witness.